Life is like a runaway train right now. That is all.
This is a little dish I whipped up out of boredom one night. It went over well with the kids, especially the picky one.
- 1/2 c worchestershire sauce
- 2 tbsp yellow mustard
- 1/4 tsp red curry
- 1/4 tsp ginger
- 1/2 tsp. Grillmates Peppercorn & Garlic marinade, dry (from the packet)
- 1 lb. steak strips
- 1 c uncooked brown rice
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- 1/2 c onion, finely chopped
- 1/2 tsp garlic, minced (or 2 cloves)
- 1 tsp pepper
- 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- 1 pack Splenda
- 1/4 tsp. Grill Creations Kansas City Style Steak Seasoning
- 1 tbsp Amaretto (Di Saronno is a nice choice)
1/8 tsp fiesta lime seasoning
1. In a medium container, mix worchestershire, mustard, curry, ginger, and Grillmates seasoning. Place steak strips in the mixture. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes (you can also prep this beforehand and leave refrigerated until dinner time).
2. Cook rice according to package directions.
3. Heat olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the onion and garlic and cook until tender. Season with pepper, fiesta lime (if using), and steak seasoning. Place steak strips into the saucepan and blend in cinnamon, amaretto, and Splenda, cook 5 to 7 minutes on each side, or to desired tenderness. Serve over rice.
Today, I bring you the story of my wonderful friend, Jessica. She suffers from PPD, and now Bipolar Disorder. This is her story:
I remember the day that she was born. My beautiful little Diva.
You would think it would be the happiest day for me. My first daughter, the one who is supposed to be my life long best friend. That was not the case, I was angry and fidgety. I felt like something was wrong with me – but I just shrugged it off.
That’s something I’m good at…shrugging things off. “I’m just too tired. I just spent 59 hours in labor. Mr. Man (my husband) is not meeting your needs. Of course you would be this angry” – I kept making excuses; but I knew. Something wasn’t right with me.
Several weeks went by and I just wasn’t connecting with my new daughter – let alone my family. I was accusing my husband of the most fantastical things; yelling at my son for the most minor offenses and angry at my daughter. This poor defenseless creature? I was so mad at her. She came into our lives and ruined it. She ruined our perfectly happy life. Then those small thoughts started to creep in: “why did we have another child again?” Of course, I would shush those thoughts. I mean who thinks things like that? Only monsters do. I’m a mom. I love her. Right?
I was so confused.
Then came the night. Oh the horrific night that clarification finally came. I hate writing about it – but it needs to be said to help someone else.
You see, my daughter? Was two things. A horrible sleeper and a screamer. You know those scream cries? The ones that tear at your heart and make you second guess everything you do? Including breathing? Those were her only cries. Oh – I hated the way she cried. I felt like she was judging my horrible skills as a mother; and I was failing miserably.
One night, no matter what I did she cried her judgmental screams of injustice. By the time I finally got her to sleep, it took me forever to fall asleep myself. That night, I had only slept maybe 30 minutes when around 2 am – she started screaming again. Frustrated I sat up and yelled at her, lying defenseless in her bassinet “SHUT UP!”.
The rage that surged through me? I cannot put into words. I hated her so much. I picked her up quickly, hating that I said that to her – but not caring at all. I mean after all I didn’t mean it – I was just tired. I picked her up quickly….without supporting her head. She cried louder. She was only 6 weeks old.
I sat on my bed and cried and cried. I hated this beautiful little girl with such an unbelievable hate. I knew. I knew I needed help.
I went to the doctor and I sat there keeping my mouth shut. Praying hard that no one would know why I was there. You should just leave this office. You’ve been fine today, you got sleep. That’s all you needed was some sleep. My phone beeped with a message from my friend: Don’t you give up. I’m proud of you for getting the help you need. You are a great mom for doing this but don’t you dare leave.
I smiled. Definitely glad to have a friend who’s gone through this before. I shifted in my seat as I watched another pregnant woman called back into the ob’s office.
Almost time. I took a deep breath.
I should just leave; I can’t tell anyone what happened. It was probably just my tiredness, me being a hypochondriac or something. I’m fine. I should just go. I grabbed my things to leave when the nurse called my name.
Walking back, the nurse was quiet. We sat down and I held it together. They are gonna tell you you’re fine Jessica. Just go through the motions. $25 down the drain Mr. Man’s gonna say.
The nurse took notes, my blood pressure and left the room. Moments later the doctor walked in and I lost it. I told her everything. How I hated being a mom, how I was so tired, how I couldn’t sleep, how I was mad at everyone, how I felt nothing toward the baby or my family, how I dreamed of hurting her (but did nothing). Then she said it, the words I will forever change my life.
You have postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety disorder (PPA).
It was as if she hit me with a cinder block. I fell in a heap, crying hysterically. She prescribed medicine and I got help.
I write not just to tell my story. I am writing to help give a voice to those women out there who know there is something wrong. Who know that what they are feeling; is not normal for them. Who know they shouldn’t be this angry. Who know they shouldn’t be this anxious. I want to plead with you to get the help you need. There are millions of women across the globe being diagnosed with a postpartum mood disorder – daily. You are not alone. Having a mood disorder does not mean that you are less of a woman, does not mean you are less of a mom, and it definitely does not mean that you are less of a Christian. It means – that God has chosen you to go down this path for now. What that reason is – only God can tell ya.
After recovering from PPD/PPA, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder. There are days that I just want to – give up. I want to just crawl into a ball and push out the world. But I cling onto the promise of the bible. Like Psalms 145:14 – the Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down.
You will stumble; you will fall – that’s part of life. I do it daily. But as long as we keep God on the throne, He will hold onto us.
Yesterday I shared the invisible illness of diabetes. I shared the importance of making dietary changes. I feel your frustration in thinking you’re going to be stuck with foods you don’t like.
THAT’S NOT TRUE!
I have, at this current moment, 42 diabetic and YUMMY recipes on my pinterest board. There’s tastebud teasers such as these:
You can even have your cake AND EAT IT TOO!
There are so many unbelievable recipes out there to try. I subscribe to daily emails from Diabetic Living online, which is chock full of recipes for every occasion, including holiday baking, and Lifescript, but there are many others out there to suit your dietary needs.
In addition, there are some wonderful support groups on Facebook like Living with Diabetes. You just have to look around. Beware the fad diets as a healthy diabetic is a low carb diabetic. Always remember that too much of something is never a good thing either (like fiber. Don’t fall for those double fiber breads. They are synthetic fibers, not natural ones. Go with 100% whole wheat and sugar free instead. Nature’s Own has a delicious one!)
The problem with diabetes…
It’s invisible. You can’t see that I’m sick. No one can tell I have no energy. It’s almost like having depression because you get so tired you don’t even want to get out of bed. At least that’s how it is for me when I recently went without my Metformin, the medication I take to help control my appetite and manage my Type 2 diabetes. I don’t eat a strict diet though I probably should. I did make a lot of changes to my diet though, eliminating a lot of high carb foods and kicking the soda habit.
(Yay me!! I kicked my soda habit! Woot!)
And like any invisible disease, it carries stigmas. You know when I’m feeling on the bad side of diabetes because I have no energy. My house is in shambles because I don’t have the energy to clean it. I’m irritable for many reasons, one being just because it comes with the territory of being diabetic. I stress about which organ is going to go first or will I lose a foot, a leg, a finger? And then there’s the headaches. I’m headache prone in the first place. Wearing a hearing aid means I have a tiny microphone in my ear to amplify all sounds. Yeah, that’s enough to make you irritable right there when you have a headache too.
There’s the added bonus of heart disease, kidney disease, renal disease, glaucoma, blindness, diabetic neuropathy (Nerve degeneration, tingling, etc), and foot ulcers, among others. Did you know a diabetic’s risk of dying is double the risk of those without diabetes? The risk for stroke and death by heart disease is 2 to 4 times higher in a diabetic, too. Yeah, that’s enough to make anyone cranky. Yet, we are supposed to minimize stress. Diabetes itself with its need for diet, exercise, finger pricking, etc. is a huge stress all its own.
The worst part about my diabetes right now? The way it has affected my teeth. I had beautiful straight teeth my whole life. When my daughter was a week old, I chipped one of my front teeth on a Dorito (probably an early indicator that I had some blood sugar issues even back then!). After I had my son, all of my front teeth went down the tubes. What’s weird is that it’s selective. It’s only my top front teeth, and only on the right side of the tooth! But it’s bad enough to make me not want to smile.
And did you know that maintaining your health—teeth included—is important to a diabetic because your immune system is already working overtime? And if you happen to be a poor diabetic, did you know no one provides any appropriate dental coverage for diabetics? You can get an exam, but what good does that do you if you need a cavity filled? You don’t even get annual cleanings!
Did you know that there are over25.8 million Americans, over 8.3% of the population, with diabetes today?
And there is NO cure. It is possible to manage your diabetes to prolong the effects on your body, but there is no cure.
So next time you see someone on the street who seems to be dragging a little bit, maybe holding back a smile because they are ashamed of their teeth, or maybe even being a grump, don’t judge. Remember that there are many invisible diseases and until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, you never know what they are dealing with.
Looking for more information? Check out the CDC’s National Diabetes Fact Sheet, 2011.
Want to help but don’t know where to start? Join the Millions℠ in the fight to Stop Diabetes®!
As someone with more than 1 invisible disease, I want to take this week to raise awareness on some invisible diseases that affect many people, adults and children alike, that most can’t see just by looking at a person.
Curious to see what I have in store?
You will read some posts by some of my friends who suffer from invisible diseases. You will get some facts about various diseases and how you can help.
What topics will I cover? Diabetes, hearing loss, mental health, abuse, and more. Looking for something specific? Don’t hesitate to make a suggestion in the comments.
I’m looking forward to sharing with you this week.